Welcome One & All!

Hello and welcome to the first ever teamR3TARD OFFICIAL entry (ignore all the rest)!

So, you are probably asking yourself the question of "Who on God's earth is teamR3TARD?" Well, think no longer!

teamR3TARD are a bunch of banger enthusiasts who are based at the Northern Banger Track, Warton Stock Car Club. teamR3TARD consists of: Ells Bells, Beniro, King Wayne, and Dan/Fran 492.

teamR3TARD fully kicked off at the start of this year and have quickly became Warton's Local Heros!

We aim to mix people's passion for the sport with a large mix of comical phrases and ancedotes from "The R3TARD Corner".

The R3TARD corner is the corner in which we are situated at, it is the most colourful part of Warton. It is recognisable by hundreds of yellow & black checkerd flags and people wearing yellow t-shirts.

Anyways, we all here at teamR3TARD hope that you enjoy reading our future posts!

teamR3TARD, checking out!

http://www.teamretard.co.nr/

Caravan Meeting - R3TARDs On Fire?

Well the caravan meeting has just been and gone, and may I say the two teamR3TARD cars seemed on form which is very odd indeed!

I managed to rack up straight thirds and a trophy, and on the other side of things The King managed to get a trophy for a 3rd as well!

Been a decent days racing, caravans weren't as bad as I feared either, the two JCBs made a hell of a difference, big thumbs up to the comittee for investing in hiring them!

Dan492
teamR3TARD

Some Awesome Figures

Ok, teamR3TARD have been online almost one week now! And already http://www.teamretard.co.nr has some promising figures to look at! Here is a brief run-down of them!

Unique Visitors: 125
Actions: 534
Average actions per visit 4.3
Total time spent: 12h 24m
Average time spent per visit: visit 10m 57.3s

And also, 27 people have bookmarked the site!

Let's spread the word around and keep this work up!

Dan492
teamR3TARD

teamR3TARD is Online!

So, in the last few days teamR3TARD have managed to launch themselves into a new dimension. The world of computer geeks and no-life frantic google searchers and wikipedia researchers!

It started with the launch of the Official Website which brings us all teamR3TARD merchandise such as caps and jackets, and was closely followed by the creation of the teamR3TARD & banger racing forum!

That's all for R3TARDmania at the moment!

Love as ever,

Dan492

JOKE: Walkies

A man had a pet centipede, one day he went up to it and said, "do you want to go for a walk?", the centipede didn't reply so the guy walked away.

Later he went back and asked it "do you want to go for a walk?", again it didn't reply and he walked away.

A while later the man went back to his centipede and again said "do you want to go for that walk?", at which point the centipede looked up and said........... "can you wait until I get my shoes on!!"

JOKE: Push

A loud pounding on the door awakens a man and his wife at 3 o'clock in the morning. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is three 'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is three in the morning and it is pouring out!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please! said the man. "where are you then??" says the husband. "to your left" says the man. "on the swing"

JOKE: Porch

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said, 'How much will you charge me?'

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 'How about $50?'

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, 'Does she realize our porch goes ALL the way around the house?'

He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'

The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting lately .'

An hour or so later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

'You're finished already?' the startled husband asked.

'Yes, the blonde replied, and I even had lots of paint left over, so I gave it TWO COATS!!

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.

'Oh! And by the way,' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.'